Visiting my sister almost always leads to gratuitous shopping excursions, and I surprised myself by acquiring some pretty explosive colors and prints over the last two weeks. I saw the bit from Matt Lauer’s interview with Adele the other day in which she talks about her dedication to an all-black wardrobe and how she was able to go unnoticed through Trafalgar Square one day just for wearing bold colors. I realized we’re a lot alike in that respect; I’m a consistent wearer of black and, as I mentioned in my last outfit post, a reluctant pursuer of color. I think it’s for a lot of reasons that I wear predominantly black, but I’m sure deep in my subconscious the paramount reason remains that I’m not a thin girl and black is notoriously the full-figured woman’s shield from judgment. But a funny thing happened when I wore one of my newly acquired, riotously-colorful pieces: I was noticed. Two women in the space of an hour commented on my look; one of them even went out of her way to approach me from across the store. I was shocked. I had worn my hair up (frustrated with the sheer mass of it, I confess I hadn’t even run a brush through it) and I was insecure about my face, fuller at the moment than I can ever remember, being on full display. I’ve been in a body-image-induced funk for a while, and these two women gave my perspective a much-needed shake. Both women were full-figured as well, and after some consideration I realized that maybe my proportions were part of the reason why they felt struck by my look. Maybe they appreciated seeing someone of a size and shape they could relate to wearing something bold.
The dress that launched a body image revolution.
I think it’s true for all of us that we spend too much time focusing on the wants – the way we want to look, the waist we want to have – that we forget to be self-accepting, and more than anything we forget that we’re not alone. I spent my teenage years trying to “hide” my weight; even though I think I was fairly average-sized it translated that I needed to look differently. I was imperfect, and that wasn’t okay. And I realized that it wasn’t me saying this; it was the world around me, society and the media perpetuating it into my day-to-day until it became a natural thought process. I think over time I’ve caught on to the scheme and have been diligent about no longer subscribing to the idea that all women should look a specific way, but once in a while that negativity seeps in – it’s hard to get away from it in this world, it’s the ultimate marketing tool after all – and I have to catch myself, to remind myself of where I really stand. But in all my years of wrestling with body image affirmation there’s a visual that never wavered: me, a girl of size, standing alone while the media’s ideal types stared at me, judging me for not being just like them. I never really took notice of the fact that in all of my insecurity solitude was a constant. In my mind I was the only too-full-figured, too-busty girl in the world. When you wake up and realize that there are other women in the same proverbial body-type boat, something just clicks in your brain and you realize, “Why am I fighting to fit one ideal when there’s an entire world around me?” After I was approached by the two women there was a shift of sorts and the visual in my mind changed – when I was talking about the situation with a friend who said that, yes, maybe those women admired me in that moment, I saw myself not as an imperfect outsider, but suddenly as a sort of ambassador for curves and color, with a legion of other uniquely-shaped and variously-sized women around me. I realized that for all of us, somewhere in the world there’s a person we can inspire just by being ourselves as we are in this moment. That’s incentive as I’ve never known it before. And I love it.
DRESS: RONNI NICOLE via JC PENNEY | SWEATER: CK CALVIN KLEIN | NECKLACE: GIFTED | EARRINGS: KOHL’S
BRACELET’S: CHARM & CHAIN, KOHL’S and KENNETH JAY LANE | RINGS: MEGHAN LA and GIFTED
And this, in all its bold color and bolder patterning, was the First Official Annual Caseepalooza Dress. It’s by Ronni Nicole, and when I found it for under $50 from JC Penney, amidst the sea of pretty that is their dress department, the transition of the colors, the richness of it all, just sold me. Thanks to everyone who extended birthday wishes to me on Saturday – from the tweets to the e-mails and the Facebook posts, your kind words made my day all the more special!
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