“Audrey was known for something which has disappeared, and that is elegance, grace and manners – things you cannot take a course in. You’re born with it or not…She just was blessed. God kissed her on her cheek, and there she was.” – Billy Wilder
Today marks the 82nd birthday of Audrey Hepburn; the number shocks me every year and reminds me how long it’s been since she passed away and just how young she was then. I’d like to pay tribute in some way, though when it comes to creating an original tribute to Audrey one is faced with so many difficulties. Pictures and quotes and the like, who hasn’t seen them all before? Everyone knows what she looked like, and as far as quotations you’ll find around the internet, sadly half of them are misattributed. (Such as this poem. I try to make sure the only lines I quote are from biographies and tributes I trust.) It can be frustrating because she’s come to be like a rumor: it just keeps going around, some exaggeration gets added on to her story and the next thing you know Audrey is paraded as a sort of real-world Holly Golightly. That’s the image so many people think of, isn’t it? I’ve mentioned this many times so I’m sorry if I sound redundant, but the character of Holly was so drastically different from Audrey’s personality that she found the prospect of playing her to be really quite frightening. “This part called for an extroverted character,” she said. “I am an introvert.” How strange is it that the character so many have come to remember her for is the one she liked perhaps the least? I think it’s sad when people don’t know who she really was; you need to know her true character intimately before you can really understand the beauty of her. For instance, she’s universally recognized for her skinny figure – it seems to be made up as a sort of Parisian inclination – but it’s rarely acknowledged that her size is largely considered a lasting effect of the malnutrition and overall trauma her body experienced during the Nazi occupation in Holland. Even the elegant, silently dignified air she had could be attributed to her great shyness and insecurity. Actor James Coburn (who played opposite Audrey in Charade, 1963) said it best: “Audrey was something else – a real lady, and there are so few of them. It had to do with her upbringing and those negative experiences in the war, which I think made her become rather secretive.”
She didn’t consider herself a supremely talented actress, but to me there was a remarkable human element in her – some tragedy, a lot of beauty, and a sort of solitary, lonely appeal – that would rip right through the screen and connect with someone or another in the audience. She contributed something huge to pop culture in that way, I think. The screen just happened to be the vessel through which she communicated it. Billy Wilder, who directed Audrey in Sabrina and Love in the Afternoon (and also wrote both films), said of her, “She was so gracious and graceful that everybody fell in love with her after five minutes.” I think her chemistry with people, her genuine compassion and interest in everyone around her, was something that burned through the camera, something no one who watches her films can deny. There’s something earnest in it, and it makes me think as though that was her greatest hope, as though that was the only thing she desperately wanted the viewer to take away from the film: honest human connection.
“My first impression of her was that she was like a very fragile animal; she had such beautiful eyes…and no makeup. She was charming.” – Hubert de Givenchy
How to really capture Audrey’s style
I’ve seen countless style guides on how to be “an Audrey” and some of them can just be predictable or they don’t feel very accurate to what she really thought was important. Here are my top five principals in bringing Audrey’s inspiration into my life:
05. Embrace your strength.
Of her experience with the war Audrey said that she chose to come out of it with hope and strength instead of being broken by it. Later, she suffered through two miscarriages before giving birth to her first son, Sean Hepburn Ferrer; and both of her marriages ended in divorce. But while she may have been devastated and frightened and sensitive, her strength prevailed above everything and in her later years she reaped the rewards of not giving up by living in true happiness.
04. Follow your heart.
From her earliest years throughout her teens Audrey dreamed of being a ballerina. She counted it among being married and having children as her greatest dream. The reality was that she was just too tall: in pointe shoes she would reach 5’10″ and most prominent male dancers of the day were more like 5’4″. She did dance, though, for however short a period of time, and even after that, as her work with UNICEF shows, she continued to pursue her dreams.
03. Keep perspective.
Given the many difficult times in her life Audrey quickly and thoroughly established a healthy, honest perspective. “I felt very enriched,” she once said; “I developed a new kind of inner peacefulness. A calmness. Things that once seemed so important weren’t important any longer.” Whenever I start to feel negative in any way I consider the things she went through and how she still managed to live humbly, and with steadfast purpose. She had an electric sense of decorum that never wavered.
02. Love yourself.
Audrey openly admitted to disliking her appearance in her younger years; she went so far as to say she thought herself ugly, that she hated herself. She dealt with fierce insecurity throughout her life, but with age she found the wisdom in loving oneself. If you watch her interviews, perhaps on YouTube, when she was very young (say, her screen test for Roman Holiday) and then her last recorded interview in her later life, you’ll see the vast transformation she went through and how much more confident she became when she finally accepted and loved herself.
01. Be kind.
This was never a struggle for Audrey; kindness toward others came naturally to her. She was sympathetic and considerate to complete strangers. She didn’t acknowledge distinctions in race or social status. So many who knew her said she had a warmth and a way of making you feel as if you were the only person in the world she could possibly want to be with at that precise moment. Like whatever conversation you had to offer would change her life deeply. Whether that stemmed from her own sense of inferiority, her mother’s gentle breeding or from genuine inclination, I know she offered as much of herself to the rest of the world as she possibly could, and it made her exquisitely happy.
“It’s the flowers you choose, the music you play, the smile you have waiting.”
{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
BRAVO!! I loved this post hon. Audrey is absolutely breath-taking. I can’t believe it! You don’t come across many women like her anymore, and that is a shame. Wonderful post!
Thanks, dear! She really was one-of-a-kind, such an inspiration. You certainly don’t come across many with her kind of charm, but you do come across some. You, for example! xo
Awwww! lol thanks hon
I can say the exact smae for you!
I feel like my tribute is horribly misrepresented… Yes, I included one or two quotes, and a few of my favourite pictures, but if it’s my honest dedication to a woman who charmed me with her films, is it really “wrong”? I know you didn’t mean for it to seem this way, and I’m sorry if I’m coming off as huffy, but I think any dedication can be beautiful in its own way, with or without flaws.
But really, your post is wonderful and thorough, and I will gladly commend you on your extensive knowledge of Audrey’s life and character.
Thank you for your honesty, Heidi. I’m very sorry; I didn’t intend for the post to come across as uppity or condescending in any way and I certainly didn’t mean to insult any other tributes, especially yours. Any tribute from a fan is an absolute treasure! My comments were directed more internally, as I felt a picture-and-quotes tribute wouldn’t satisfy me on a personal level. It’s not that I think any such tributes are less special, just that on this day it didn’t seem to relay everything I wanted to say.
And part of my motivation for writing the length of it was also my frustration with how her image is used in the media. I’m not sure if it’s the same everywhere in the world, but here in the States Audrey is…well, very mass-produced. There are so many books published, so much memorabilia, and there seems to be free reign on her likeness without the necessity of facts. For example, yesterday as I was writing this post I flipped through What Would Audrey Do? by Pamela Keogh, a popular book I got as a gift a few years ago but hadn’t really read yet. I found that it not only failed to represent the real Audrey, but also gave blatantly false information – like her birth name. It stated she was born “Edda Kathleen van Heemstra Hepburn-Ruston” when her real birth name was simply Audrey Kathleen Ruston (according to The Audrey Hepburn Treasures, which has a foreword by Audrey’s son Sean so I’m more inclined to trust that). So because there’s so much being produced with her name and likeness – and not all of it with the approval of her estate – it makes it difficult to know what’s real. Sean has committed so much of his life to maintaining her legacy as she ought to be remembered and I’ve learned a lot through that so I endeavor to follow his lead and provide as much “insight” as I can for the new fans who may be feeling lost in the media frenzy or for the people who know Audrey’s name but nothing else about her. But in the process of trying to include facts and make people aware of the false information out there it’s easy to sound haughty; I’m still working on the balance, obviously. I definitely don’t consider myself a scholar of her life or anything, but I feel passionate about taking every opportunity I have to showcase the lesser-known, very real side of her for the people who might not know it. (:
well said, my dear! beautifully written post. oh how i love her…
Thanks, Diane! So glad you enjoyed it. It’s pretty hard not to love dear Audrey, I think.
She was so awesome.
Yes, she definitely was. (:
This was beautiful! Thanks for raising such great points, reading this helped me get to know the true Audrey a little more and helped inspire me to incorporate a little Audrey into my life!
Thanks, Kirstin! I’m so glad you got something out of the post. I’m sure everyone’s associated with Audrey’s glamorous side so I try to bring in other aspects of her personality that don’t get quite as much attention. She had a lot of depth, really.
Aww Casee, this is such a lovely tribute to Audrey. Thank you for sharing all that you have come to learn about her personality and character with us!
Thanks, Jen! I always love to share as I learn about her. She was such a fascinating woman, and so good. It’s inspiring when you find that the woman behind the icon is so deserving of the status.
What a lovely ode to her!
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Thanks, Tanvi! I’m so glad you enjoyed it. (:
I knew that you would write something beautiful to remember and celebrate the life of Audrey Hepburn. Reading your words and thinking about the information we now know about Audrey’s life, I can’t help but miss the ‘good old days’ when everything was purer and yes, perhaps a lot of it was better. While in our day there are also many people who are elegant, kind and setting an example of courage and character, I dare say no actress alive today can combine all the attributes which made Audrey so special: the class, elegance, natural beauty and the KINDNESS she exuded in all aspects of her life.
You’re completely correct: none of us should mistake the character – no matter how iconic – with the actor or actress who played it. Perhaps it won’t be too intruding/patronising of me to suggest that all people actually read the Truman Capote novel in which the movie “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” was based (with the same title). It’s a 100% different story than that which was portrayed on the film and I feel it’s what attracted Audrey to play the part of Holly Golightly, because it was also 100% different from who she was in real life and a real challenge to her as an actress. In the end Hollywood turned it into a completely different story, in which Hepburn shone nonetheless and which is, no doubt, dear to many people’s hearts. Yet, it’s not the same.
I’m applauding you dear <3<3
Thank you so much, Bere! I actually almost didn’t write anything; not that Audrey is by any means a boring topic for me, but I worried that readers might not be excited by the prospect. And while I write this blog largely for myself I do write it in part for the audience it has, the community it’s involved in, so I want to make sure I straddle that line between what I want and what appeals to the readers. But how do you write posts about an icon whose fame a lot of people consider to be “overdone”, you know? For me, the answer is approaching her as much as I can from a personal standpoint, talking about her life off the set and outside of Hollywood. I try to stay away from her Holly mostly because everybody already knows it and for the people who may not appreciate Audrey as an actress they’re probably tired of that image. I try to bring something new, for conversation’s sake, though it’s hard to do that without sounding a little pretentious.
I completely agree regarding the novella. It’s a perfect example of how adaptations can skyrocket away from the original material and create something rather independent through the differences. I do enjoy the film, I think it’s interesting and charming, but it’s certainly not a “retelling” of the events in the book. I remember reading that Capote was furious about the casting (though he did send Aud a letter expressing his happiness at her performance…formalities?) and that he considered Marilyn Monroe to be the quintessential Holly Golightly. That in itself shows how different book-Holly is from film-Holly.
Thank you, as always, for your wonderful comments, dear! xo
AMAZING tribute, Casee! You really put into words what I’ve been trying to see in Audrey for a while now. I’ve always been one of those people who has disregarded her because of her iconic status–because she’s everywhere. This post was really well-written and obviously heartfelt. Your admiration for her is rubbing off on me, too. I still prefer Audrey the person to Audrey the actress, but her films are growing on me
Thank you so much for this comment, Kendra! I completely understand how easy it is to write her off for the insane amount of buzz around her. Nobody could possibly live up to that kind of hype. I think Audrey the person did manage to, and yet it’s not Audrey the person who a lot of people see. Even she admitted that acting was a job for her, not really much more, and that she wasn’t a great talent. But she had her passions (such as helping children) and it’s there that I think she shines the brightest. (:
Your admiration for her is rubbing off on me, too.
And that made me ridiculously happy!
Wow, you make excellent points (as usual.) Since many of us weren’t actually alive in her peak, it’s easy to form ideas based on images & stories passed from generations which is somewhat like the ‘Telephone’ game – changing slightly as it goes! (I think many of us believe she was the Holly Golightly personality!) Though I always consider her the epitome of class & grace, I have never thought beyond that about where her shyness, small frame or insecurities may have stemmed from. I adore your tips, especially number 1!!
Thank you so much, Ashleigh! She has such massive fame and the woman behind the icon really lives up to that, so I try to illuminate parts of her that don’t see as much focus. Sometimes with these classic icons you find that the life they lived is much less wonderful than the existence they’re painted with today (Rock Hudson is a perfect example) or that they made some very questionable decisions (say, Frank Sinatra) but Audrey doesn’t have any dirt to dig up, which makes her something of a rarity and all the more admirable. (:
The admiration and respect you have for Audrey just leaps off this page. This was really beautiful. I didn’t get a chance to read this last week, and I actually missed her birthday completely somehow (I guess being under the weather will do that), but it doesn’t surprise me at all that you took the time to put together such a beautiful and unique tribute.
I love how you approached this – you focused on who she was as a person and what made her tick, instead of focusing on something she wore or something she said. We are all a product of our experiences, including Audrey, and I think you captured that beautifully here. She would have been touched to read this.
B, thank you so much for this comment. I’m glad it made a unique impact, that’s definitely what I was going for. She certainly revolutionized fashion in her era – and then of course she played a big part in launching Givenchy to the rest of the world – but that’s all either well-known or easy enough to discover. (It’s a cute anecdote, but by now I figure most people already know how when Hubert heard Miss Hepburn was being flown in to meet with him he thought it was Katharine and was disappointed to find it was Audrey, a “nobody”.) The little details about her personality are what seem to be overlooked and sometimes it’s those little details that deserve to be celebrated. (:
I normally try to leave comments to start a discussion but in this instance I just have to say, I love this post. I love Audrey. I enjoyed reading this immensely.
Carolann
Thank you so much, Carolann! I always love a good discussion, but sometimes all that needs to be said can be said in a few words. And your comment just made my day, so thank you. (:
What a fantastic and touching tribute, glad I found you through G&G look forward to reading your posts from here on
? Noemi
Thank you, Noemi! I’m so glad you enjoyed the post. (:
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